a year's end

it's cheesy i know, but it's so true.

a year changes your life. 

this year, for example, has flipped my life upside down and gave it a 180 degree turn. my friend asked me to give her a synopsis of this year. this is what i told her

"i thought this would be the best, easiest transition of my life. instead it's been the hardest year of my life. but i've loved every second of the hurt and mess."

i was right about one thing in my expectations. this year has been the best. i've been broken and frustrated and devastated in my own piles of sin. i've felt hopeless. i've been more alone and battled more self-worth than any other time in my life. i've been stuck in the pit of the valley.

joel plaskett sings a song called absentminded melody in which he sings, "the only thing worse than growing up is never really knowing how." 

its so true. because growing up is hard and no one knows how. and you can ask your parents how to write a check and throw a party and change your oil but they can't teach you to heal your heart when it's broken and sad and in pieces, that's something you learn from being alone and sad and in pieces.

this year has taught me so many good things. yes its been hard, but life is hard. i've clung to the hope that jesus protects my heart when i can't even manage to think about the brokenness inside of it. it has really has changed my life, as cheesy as it sounds [it's the cold hard beautiful truth.]