small reminders

the past few weeks something has been invading my mind constantly.
i won't tell you everything, but it involves:
a boy, a lot of self doubt, and even more frustration.

it's the first time i've dealt with these emotions in this kind of situation.
i'm not gonna lie, it sucks.
it's distracting and discouraging and i can't do a whole lot about it.
the frustration has built and most of the time
i'm sick of all the sin that stems from this something.

i was listening to a sermon by Alistair Begg yesterday.

he ended by quoting psalm eighty four: eleven

"no good thing does He withhold

from those whose walk is blameless"

i sat there thinking... 

what the heck.

God promises that.

He promises

not only to have plans to prosper us and not harm us 

but to never withhold good things from us.

so who am i to doubt that God will not always have good things to provide me? 

{even from this something I can't get out of my mind}

so i took out a pen and wrote

"84:11"

on my left thumb.

every time i start thinking about this something,

and i get discouraged or frustrated, 

i catch a glimpse of the black ink smeared between those two knuckles.

and i remember, 

{even if this something will never be anything}

God is not withholding any good from me.

just so you know,

that doesn't mean this something doesn't still suck.

it does, and i think it will for a while, 

but these four numbers on my left thumb 

are a small reminder that has brought me hope.
hope that maybe not this something,
but a something, someday will be good
{and perfect} for me.