waiting

i've spent countless summers in the mountains. most days we have afternoon thunderstorms. and these storms are why i love the mountains most.

this has been a season of waiting. waiting for things i don't even know. during one thunderstorm, i sat on the front steps of my office and my feet were getting wet because the awning was too narrow and i felt overwhelmed by the storm so i did what i knew. i closed my eyes. through my eyelids i could see a flashes of lightening and in my head i said "one, two, three, four, five, six..." and boom, the thunder rolled loud, fast, and hard.

sometimes we have to live in seasons like that. we have to close our eyes, count in our heads, and wait for the Lord to show Himself, even in the smallest of ways.

i don't know what i'm waiting for. maybe a sign of my future and where He's leading me. maybe i'm waiting for Him to ask for a piece of my heart i haven't surrendered. maybe i'm just learning what it means to be still and know that He is my sovereign God. maybe he's waiting for me to finally begin to trust Him.

waiting is hard. it is something we are trained to hate. waiting in line, waiting for food, waiting for your turn. we hate it. but sometimes the most joyous things can come out of waiting. and i'm learning that.

waiting means trusting. trusting means surrender. surrender means dying to oneself. and dying to oneself means to love the Lord. but it's not as easy as that sounds. in fact, it's really hard. and you might cry a lot. and you have to learn to give yourself grace.

titus two: eleven-thirteen says,
"for the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. it teaches us to say "no" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope - the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ."

grace brings salvation. it brings us towards godliness and a vision for eternity. it brings us freedom. when we fail at waiting, at trusting, at surrendering, we bog down and find it so hard to try again. but you can, if you allow the grace of God to take a place in your heart.

jeremiah thirty two: thirty seven - forty one says,
"I will surely gather them from all the lands where I banish them in my furious anger and great wrath; I will bring them back to this place and let them live in safety. they will be my people, and I will be their God. I will give them singleness of heart and action, so that they will always fear me for their own good and the good of their children after them. I will make an everlasting covenant with them. I will never stop doing good to them, and I will inspire them to fear me. I will rejoice in doing them good and will assuredly plant them in this land with all my heart and soul."

this passage has so many things. but look at all the "I will" statements. that's the Lord promising that He will do those things. that He will rejoice in doing good to us. that He will make an everlasting covenant with us. His character is revealed to us in this passage. He is sovereign and good and cares for us. He cares for me. He cares for my season of waiting. He cares to do good to me in the midst of waiting.

right now, waiting looks like me not pursuing things that are displeasing to my King. it looks like being disciplined in the way i live my life. it looks like me standing in His creation, praising His name. it looks like me surrendering the same thing in my journal, day after day. i'll be honest; it doesn't look like much. and it gets hard waiting. and i often forget to trust the Lord through it. but i get myself a heavy dose of grace and a warm cup of coffee and come into the presence of the Lord in the middle of a thunderstorm and just wait.