it's funny that we all have the inclination that a new year brings a new start, a blank page, another chance. some people say, and i agree, that you shouldn't wait until the new year to start something new. that every new day is a second chance. and that's true. but there's something special about the motivation and the beautiful intentions we have with a new year.
on sunday, i sat in church listening to a message that God so neatly placed and related to other things i had been reading and learning in the past week.
a dear friend gave me a devotional for the winter break i'm spending at home, Holiness Day-by-Day by Jerry Bridges. a simple devotional full of wisdom. as i read day two, my heart was awakened to something true but sinful i did not recognize in my own heart. jerry bridges was offering a simple reminder that the pursuit of holiness, striving to please the lord, "must be anchored in the grace of God; otherwise it is doomed to failure." he said a lot of christians think these two things, pursuing the Lord and grace are quite opposite. and i was one of them.
where is your heart for the Lord?
this was a question i heard echo through the sanctuary on sunday that echoed further in my mind. where is my heart for the lord?
Jerry Bridges said the pursuit of the Lord, "requires sustained, vigorous effort. it allows for no condolence, no lethargy, no half hearted commitment, and no laissez-faire attitude toward even the smallest of sins."
shoot.
i have a lot of small sins. i have a lot of big sins. i just have a lot of sin. and i know when i am committing only a portion of my heart, or a portion of my time, or a portion of my life to Christ. i know when i'm being purposefully lethargic. and when i recognize those things, i'm acting in sin and i'm not pursuing holiness. i'm not striving to please the Lord. but this is where His grace comes in. so wonderfully i might add. His grace is not separated from our hearts in this matter. it is intrically woven between the lethargy and the laissez-faire mindset. grace is there when our vigorous effort is just short of half-hearted. and it's there when we chose to not run towards Him.
the question "where is your heart for the Lord" turned into "where do i want my heart for the Lord to be this year?"
the pastor shared revelation two: two-seven. (i shortened it to two-five)
"I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and you have found them false. you have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. yet I hold this against you. you have forsaken your First Love. remember the height from which you have fallen. depend and do the things you did at first."
the Lord wants us to return to our first love. Him. He knows the hardships we face. He knows our troubles with relationships. He knows our insecurities. He knows how easily we grow weary. but He simply tells us to return to the things we did at first: to love Him above everything else, to receive His grace, to remember His faithfulness, to return and depend on Him.
that's my resolution for 2015. that when my half hearted commitment returns, as it will, that i will be reminded of His grace. that i will return to His love and praise Him for all He has done for me. that i will revel in His goodness.
andrew murray said quite elegantly, "may not a single moment of my life be spent outside the light, love, and now of God's presence and not a moment without the entire surrender of myself as a vessel for Him to fill full of His spirit and love."
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