run away child

sometimes I wonder what it would be like to run away. to truly run away. 

you wouldn't have to take exams, or go to work, or do taxes.

you could wake up everyday and do exactly what you wanted.

personally, i dream of running away everyday of my life. filling up my the tank, throwing on my aviators, and let the wind carry me. eventually ending up in some small town and making friends with older kindred spirits that have wisdom and wrinkled smiles. it would be wonderful right? 

no. it wouldn't be.

take comfort in rituals.

every friday morning, i wouldn't sip coffee with sophie over proverbs. every wednesday night, i wouldn't have dinner with my bible study. i couldn't take my flowers off the window sill at night before i open the window. i wouldn't get my mail every wednesday afternoon.

why do we want to run away?

what drives us to put the top down and hit the road?

i wouldn't be running away from my problems, or my fears, or my failures. i would be running away from the people who love me and care about me and the people who genuinely want to help me see life as beautiful. i would be running away from all the good, just because of so little bad.

sometimes, when it's really hard,

my heart wants to run away from jesus.

not forever. i just get nervous, i'm not good enough, i'm not ready, i can't handle people holding me to these high standards. what i really am running away from is His grace, His mercy, His aching desire to hold my heart. 

i run away from comfort, straight into doubt.

to do exactly what i want?

 it becomes disastrous.

don't run.

take comfort in rituals,

take comfort in never ending grace.